MM2S068: Season 5, Episode 8
By: Ken Boone Eight weeks into the new year, and things are going well. Starting with my 65th birthday on January 20th, continuing with Kenny's 33rd birthday on February 11th, followed by Valentine's Day on February 14th, and last but not least, marking the anniversary of 12 amazing years of marriage to Celia on February 19th. Come to think of it, saying that things are “going well" is a serious understatement! Also, during the past eight weeks, I've been doing a decent job of keeping my New Year's Resolutions. As you recall, the list is only seven items, with “attending church services” as the only one yet to be addressed. So, stay tuned. For today's episode, I will report on my success, or failure, in following through on three of the items on my list. So, let's dive right in. ITEM #1: “Sticking with the Three Es”, which are to:
ITEM #4: Cut the number of prescription meds I take in half. I may not be able to pull that one off, although not from a lack of trying. But it's not a bad thing, just a matter of perception. I'll explain later. ITEM #7: I will try not borrow trouble! Although I have to remind myself not to worry about things I can't control, this is going to end up being the easiest resolution to keep. If I master this one, I can claim victory! On November 22, 2020, I published the third episode of this podcast. It was titled “So, What are You Thankful For?” as a special Thanksgiving episode. In it, I listed eight things that I was grateful for at that time. That episode also marked the beginning of my departure from a show that had more political undertones than I was comfortable with. The tone of that episode was one of hope, of belief, and of promise. Hope that we would find our way out of the COVID pandemic. Belief that the candidate who just won that Presidential election would deliver on his campaign pledges. And for me, the promise that my future was much brighter than my past. After giving thanks for my life and good health, I then gave a huge shout out to my doctors for bringing me out of my episode of heart failure. While my recovery was considered a miracle, Dr. Carly Jo's focus on my general health and Dr. V's focus on my heart also played a significant role in that miracle. Beginning with my release from the Cardiac Care Unit of Atrium Health in the Fall of 2019 until early 2022, I placed my care squarely in their hands. I followed all of their advice to the letter, and I felt like a new man! But all good things must come to an end. I had to part ways with both doctors. One for over prescribing lab work and the other for not being in my insurance network. However, I would still recommend either of them highly qualified healers to anyone who needs their services. I asked Melinda, the Nurse Practitioner who was my attending during my recent hospitalization, if she could recommend a Primary Care Provider in my area. She recommended a Physician Assistant named Jeffrey, who is in the same group as Dr. Carly Jo. Without ordering unnecessary blood tests, I was in and out plus got a flu shot as well as my second COVID booster shot. Cool beans! As for the cardiologist, that one would prove trickier, or so I thought. The doctors who are in my network are affiliated with a rival hospital. The competition for clients is intense. Each of them spends millions in advertising trying to make the case that they are the best in the Charlotte region. So, with money being the determining factor, I reluctantly went to the purple side. I found the staff to be even more professional and courteous than Dr. V's staff, which is saying a lot. They gave me the first available appointment with a doctor who wasn't my first choice. I'll call him Dr. D, who proved to be a perfect fit! I got lucky with him just like with Dr. V! While Jeffrey knew his role was as an outpatient follow-up to my hospital stay, my cardiologist is my go-to healthcare provider. He is the one who prescribes most of my medications, as well as orders the most testing. I was ready for a fight, but Celia reminded me of my resolution to not borrow trouble. I was only responsible for controlling the things I could control. She then once again referred me to the Serenity Prayer. They gave me two EKGs as well as several blood tests when I was in the hospital last December. Because that stay was at the rival hospital, I was concerned that my new cardiologist wanted to rerun the tests. He didn't. He just read the results and checked off the boxes. When it came to his instructions to me, I was surprised that he addressed the “Three Es”. As for my exercise regimen, he suggested that I:
As for me eating healthy, he suggested that I continue to
When it came to engaging in life, he was thrilled to learn that I am a podcaster. He admitted that he's a voracious consumer of audio podcasts himself. His favorites are in the category of true crime, similar to Celia. He told me producing my show was an excellent way to keep my brain stimulated! With my medications, he thought that it would be best that we keep things the way they are. He told us that when something is working, leave it alone. And he didn't try to scare me by reminding me that these medications are life-sustaining. He was pleased with my overall health, and with a few tweaks, I will be in even better shape. He wants to see me again in six months as a normal follow up. In the future, we may move to annual visits. I was told to call him if I had any issues or concerns with my medical care, not matter what it is. I like that! Parting Shots So, I met the news guys, and my takeaway was very positive. I approached these appointments with skepticism. But my fears were unfounded. Both of them are highly competent, professional, and personable. I can see these relationships as potentially long-term. While I really like Jeffrey, my new Physician Assistant, I'm really impressed with my new cardiologist, Dr. D. Working with him is helping me to keep most of the items on my Resolution list. Even the ones where he's not directly impacting. Today I updated you on three of the seven items on my Resolution list. In a prior episode, I updated you on my resolution to make the house playable. I hope to update you on the other three resolutions in upcoming episodes. So, stay tuned as there is much more to say! Today's Quote “Do more of what's already working for you.” Salil Jha – Author
1 Comment
MM2S067: Season 5, Episode 7
By: Ken Boone Sunday, February 11, 1990, was one for the books. Nelson Mandela was released from prison after 27 years of incarceration in South Africa. On that same day, just a few hours later, my only child, Kenneth Edward Boone II, was born at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in New York City. Both events changed my life for the better! Kenny's mother had a fairly long labor, so I was able to watch the news coverage of Mr. Mandela's release, which was on every television set in the hospital. Also, I got to hear the births of almost a dozen other babies that day through the heating vent in our labor room. Most of the new mothers, and babies, were in and out of their rooms before Kenny arrived, kicking and screaming. In case you didn't know, Cape Town, South Africa is 7 hours ahead of New York City. I don't remember the exact time of day Kenny was born, although I wrote it down back then. But I do know that, even taking into account the time difference, he still got out before Kenny was born. That's why I will say to anyone who cares to listen, that my son is such a huge star that it was he who closed the show on one of history's most important days! For the half-dozen or so people under the sound of my voice who may not have heard of Mr. Mandela, here's the Readers' Digest version of his story: Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela was a South African anti-apartheid activist and politician who served as the first president of South Africa from 1994 to 1999. He was the country's first black head of state and the first elected in a fully representative democratic election. Mandela is considered the father of Modern South Africa. He was instrumental in tearing down the oppressive government and installing democracy. Mandela received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1993 for peacefully destroying the Apartheid regime and laying the foundation for democracy. He was repeatedly arrested for seditious activities and was unsuccessfully prosecuted in the 1956 Treason Trial. He was arrested and imprisoned in 1962, and, following the Rivonia Trial, was sentenced to life imprisonment for conspiring to overthrow the state. He served 27 years of that life sentence until his release on February 11, 1990. At the time of his death on December 5, 2013, at the age of 95, Nelson Mandela was arguably one of the most recognized persons to ever live! It seemed like when he caught a cold, it was headlining news around the world. To put the amount of time Mandela was imprisoned in perspective, I was just four years old at the time he was arrested, and five when he was sentenced. I turned 32 years old three weeks before he was released from prison. And I'd bet you $20 that very few of the other parents in the labor were even born when Mandela was arrested and imprisoned! Around 6:30 PM on February 11, 1990, my first and only child entered this world. He was born with very little fanfare. My brother, Mike, made a surprise visit from Philadelphia the next day. I think he brought a cute stuffed animal, or maybe he didn't. I can't be sure because I was operating on very little sleep. What I did know for sure was the significance of Kenny's birthday. I knew it meant that he was destined to do great things. Or, to say the least, not underachieve like his namesake. That day, I made a promise to God and him that I would do everything in my power to give him the best life I possibly could. Providing that life didn't come without challenges. That's because for most of his life, there was just the two of us against the world. His mother passed away when he was just 13 years old. And boy did we have our battles with the world, as well as with each other. He's come out on the other side with a heart for others, a great sense of humor, a healthy competitive nature, a sense of fair play, and generous to a fault. He has all of those attributes, plus, in the words of my buddy Pete, “MOVIE STAR GOOD LOOKS”! And this comes from someone who worked in the entertainment industry for well over 50 years! I wasn't expecting Kenny to become President of United States. He was born four years before Mr. Mandela became President of South Africa, and six years before Barack Obama became a State Senator in Illinois. Among his many talents, Kenny was a natural at two things, baseball and debate. So, I was hoping that he would be either the next Derek Jeter or a trial lawyer, whichever path he chose. Not to harp on the past, but the proverbial village wasn't around to help raise him. He did have his obnoxious father taking on every perceived impediment that was in the way of him getting just a fair shot. I probably pissed off a lot of people and burned a lot of bridges along the way. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat, because history is counting on me. Like Presidents Mandela and Obama, Kenny has all of things needed to be a winner in life. All three have faced obstacles and defeats but have found a way to overcome them. While Mandela and Obama had large rooting sections, they also had an equal number of haters who wanted to see them fail. And like Presidents Mandela and Obama, Kenny had someone in his ear telling him that he can achieve any goal he sets his mind to achieving. All he has to do is never, ever give up the fight. Parting Shot We know about the life Nelson Mandela led after his incarceration. From being President of South Africa, to Nobel Prize winner, and everything in between, he is remembered as one of the most consequential public figures of all time. I sometimes wonder what became of all the the babies who were born that day at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital. I hope that they are all well and doing their part to make the world a better place. Today's Quote “A winner is a dreamer who never quits.” Nelson Mandela MM2S066: Season 5, Episode 6 By: Ken Boone For Calendar Year 2023, I've cut my list of resolutions down to seven manageable items. Some of them are brand new, while others are mashups of past resolutions. One of these so-called mashups is how I have and will deal with the clutter that is better known as my humble abode. So, without further ado, let's get started: Last year, Item #5 on my list was to “Make my house livable again”. Back then, many rooms in my house served as “temporary storage facilities”. We had boxes of stuff that I carried with me from the late 1990s! Then there was the stuff Celia brought when she moved in. And let's not even talk about all of the clothes that were either out of style, or no longer fit us. The excuse that we used is that, since we are both accountants, it's in our nature not to throw anything away, in case there is some kind of audit over the horizon. As you can guess, there never was an audit. Just the boxes. Most boxes have since found new homes. I donated most of my clothes that no longer fit to Goodwill. I'm now finishing most of the projects that were just left hanging around. And all I had to do was roll up my sleeves an get started! Before we can proceed, let me take you back to the beginning, my origin story. As a casual reader of Marvel comics as a youngster, I learned that all super heroes have super powers. These powers are usually borne out of adversity, and typically emerge in times of great stress. While I don't claim to be a superhero, I have my own powers that have served me well, although I didn't recognize them at the beginning. And instead of my powers emerging out of adversity, they were developed in an atmosphere of self-imposed chaos, otherwise known as “Ken's Mess”! Growing up, just about everything I came in contact with was messy. Especially my bedroom, which I shared with my older brother. I'm sure I drove him absolutely nuts since he was the total opposite. And I'm sure that my God-fearing mother wore her knees out praying for her baby boy. You could walk into our room, on any given day, and immediately know who slept where just by looking at the floor. There was a line separating Mike's side of the room from mine. On his side you could see the shiny waxed floors, whereas on my side were piles of toys, clothes, and sometimes yesterday's lunch. I'm just making the last part up. The only two times there was neatness and order was when I dressed up and when I thought through things. I didn't outgrow my messiness. In fact, it seemed to get worse. It caused problems at work and in my home life. Thank God my brain was still sharp and organized or I would have been homeless, unemployed, and even childless. Was there something wrong with me? My family sure thought so. But what do the experts think. It depends on who you ask. Behavioral professionals have waded in on this topic of root cause of mess and/or chaos for decades. And they haven't reached a consensus on it. So, I did my own digging. Many in the area of psychology say that messiness can indeed be a sign that a person is having trouble. Just like someone who is suffering from OCD and has to control everything, being a messy person might show that they are dealing with depression or some other mental illness. Others in the behavioral sciences have a different interpretation. They believe that some people simply do not place a high priority on having everything clean, organized, and in its place. In this case, messiness is simply a normal state of affairs. If the house is cluttered and it's just fine with you, then it's probably more a sign of your personality and preferences. I find those two conclusions both scary and comforting. The first one was scary because that fed into the narrative of what may have been wrong with me. I used the second one as a juming off point for my theory. In my case, I learned that I saw my mess, or chaos, as my fortress. Since no one wanted to enter my space, I got the solitude that I subconciously craved. I could escape from a place where favoritism, religious suppression, peer marginalization seemed to be normal. It's like some obese people using the excess bulk as a coat of armor. It's a way for them to go unnoticed, or not draw unwanted attention to themselves. That makes perfect sense to me. I discovered that in my way of thinking, my messy, cluttery chaos kept unwanted interactions out of my house. Of course, I would sociable once in the public. That works well for me. Since Celia is an extrovert, she gets to feed off of her dealings with people on our daily outdoor adventures. For me, those outdoor adventures prevent me from becoming a total hermit. So a nice balance is struck. I get to flip the switch and be as glib and charming as I want to be. Then I can retreat to my fortess of solitude to recharge my battery. Parting Shots So, fast-forward to 2022, when I decided to make my house livable. Why did I wait so long to get here? It's that this is the first place I've ever lived that has felt like home. In fact, I pray that this is the last place I will ever live. And why do I want to make this place “playable” again, since 2023 is the year, I decided to give up my delusion of being a musician? Because maybe someday I'll feel comfortable letting people past my defenses to enjoy conversation, breaking bread, and yes, making sweet music. But until that day arrives, I'll do what I do with no shame. I'll continue to strive to achieve “outer order”. But in the meantime, my prayer will be... “Please bless this mess”. It makes me feel safe, or at least it did when I needed it. Today's Quote “Some people survive in chaos and that is how they grow. And some people thrive in chaos, because chaos is all they know.” Nikita Gill – British Poet MM2S065: Season 5, Episode 5
By: Ken Boone A couple of weeks ago, my son Kenny, called me to wish me a happy 65th birthday! He also used that call as an opportunity to tease me about being old and not getting out of the house more often. Typical stuff from "Kenny The Second". Then came the twenty questions about the health of Celia and me. He insists on knowing that we're taking our medications, eating right, and exercising regularly. With questions asked and answered, I can move the conversation over to what is more important to me. And that is, “how are YOU doing, son?” After a pretty bumpy teens and twenties, Kenny has gotten his act together. In addition to being a great father, top-producing General Manager at his job, and loyal friend to many, he's becoming something of a community activist. He told me that it's his goal to become a City Councilman. I suggested that he take that dream further and shoot for the U.S. House of Representatives. If Mr. Santos can do it, so can my son! And he won't have to lie on his resume' to make his case to the voters. As a parent generally, and a father particularly, the role you play in your child's life is constantly evolving. The journey begins with you acting as their protector and provider. As they get older, you become their manager. When they hit adulthood, you become their advisor. And if you've done your job well, they assume those roles when you are too old to care for yourself. Now that he sees me as a trusted advisor, Kenny wants to know about my thought processes and what goes into the life-changing decisions I've made over the years. In particular, how do I know when it's time for me to cut and run. That wasn't something I could do, although a voice in me would say to just walk away. But I was controlled by the notion that when it came to “fight or flight”, if I didn't pick the former, I'd be seen as a coward. In the movie “Heat”, Neil McCauley, the character played by Robert De Niro, said... “A guy told me one time, "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner”. Although the McCauley character was a thief, his words resonated in me. That sounded a lot like something my stepfather would always say when I made the wrong choice. Unfortunately, I was too young, willful, and dumb to pay heed that advice. After touching the figurative hot stove more times than I could count, mercifully I reached my mid-30s in one piece. Common sense and better judgment kicked in. They say that a man's brain fully develops between 25 and 30 years of age. What can I say... I guess I was a late bloomer! Back to my son and me. When I was in the manager's stage of our relationship, I worried about Kenny because he was a fighter who just couldn't back down from a fight. His mother was the same way. In fact, she didn't mind taking an occasional ass-whipping just to prove a point. I used to constantly remind him of the quote from the Ancient Roman historian Publius Cornelius Tacitus... “he that fights and runs away, may turn and fight another day; But he that is in battle slain, Will never rise to fight again.” Since the word “run” caused a gag-reflex in him similar to the word “flight” caused one in me, I had to find another term. I initially land on “strategic retreat”, which went down a little easier, but still seemed a little cowardly. That's when I stumbled on the “McCauley Rule”. We got through Kenny's teens and early twenties with some struggles. There were times when he thought I was an utter buffoon. There were times when I'm sure he thought I was a wimp because I advised that he just let it go and walk away. But for some reason, he just couldn't do that. And I get why. At the same time, I was raising my son, I was doing a lot of growing up myself. As much as I was stressing that he exercise discretion, I was running off at the mouth when I felt I wronged. Not as much as when I was younger, but enough to still be considered a hot head. Something had to give. Then, as always, I remembered something Celia used to say. And that was, “do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy”. When that message finally sunk in, I could pass it on to Kenny, with good results. I recorded a couple of episodes last year. One was on the value of the closed door, while the other was on the value of just saying NO. If I tried to pry open a closed door, and succeeded, something bad may be waiting for me on the other side. By saying yes to something that's not good for me can also have disastrous results. When I just walked away, other doors swung wide open with a gentle push! I've done that enough times recently for it to become second nature. In my current role as advisor, knowing when to walk away is the best advice I can give to my son. Parting Shots It amazes me that Kenny still calls me for advice, since I guaranty you that he will accomplish ten times more than I ever will. More often than not he knows the right steps to take. It's just that he likes to run it by me just to verify. On his performance evaluations at work, he always gets high marks for keeping his cool when he faces a stressful situation. He's also mastered the art of conflict resolution. That's not the Kenny of old, although I'm not surprised that he's mellowed. He sees his dad as the one person, other than his best friend, that he can confide in. He even thanks me for talking him off the ledge, so to speak. He seems to bypass his buddy and call me when he about to blow his stack. And I'm more than happy to use the “Divine Ratio” – listen twice as much as I talk. When I do talk and ask him how he reacted to the situation, he would always say that he either literally or figuratively walked away. Then he'd either ride his bike, walk his dogs, hug his daughter, or call me. And he wouldn't feel like a wimp, or coward, for exercising sound judgment. Lesson learned. Today's Quote “Sometimes walking away is the only option. Not because you want to make someone miss you, or realize they took you for granted. But because you finally respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better.” Anonymous |
About the HostKenneth E. Boone, Sr. is a writer, podcaster, music lover, sports enthusiast, and retired accountant. Archives
May 2024
|