MM2S031: Season 3, Episode 1
By: Ken Boone For the first 30 or so years of my life, I was considered a very friendly, outgoing guy. Then events caused me to rethink how I related to people. While I still am a friendly guy who has a character who is an extrovert that I keep in my bag of tricks, I learned that I’m someone who prefers to stay to myself. Keep Your Own Counsel By: Susan Winter - NYC-based Relationship Expert - susanwinter.net It’s not that we can’t or shouldn’t talk to friends about what’s going on. It’s a question of the quality of feedback we’ll get in doing so. Each person comes with their own baggage and emotional landscape. Well-meaning friends can taint our vision of what we’re experiencing, sheerly by their perspective. Unless you consider this person to be of high-functionality, and one you trust to see the totality of events with supreme clarity… wait before relaying the details of your new love affair. You’ve got enough to process in your own mind without the impact of another’s perspective added to the mix. Friends may want to help, advise or give direction in “what you need to do.” But more times than not, this information has a tendency to confuse or mislead you. New relationships are fragile in the navigation of discoveries about our partner. To keep our own counsel is to keep our clarity. Once we’ve had time to process our own thoughts and feelings, we are then in a better position to share this information with others. We need to trust ourselves and our own awareness, rather than run to peers for their opinions on each situation. They didn’t live the moments we lived. They can’t see the story in detail. Highlights of past events and conversations shot through our perspective, then relayed to others, are subject to incomplete interpretation. In doing so, we’ve just added another layer of decreased clarity to the original occurrence. The only one who really knows what to feel about any given situation, is us. Taking time to check-in with ourselves allows the ability to tune into our feelings. When additional perspective is required, we have a stable platform from which to present the information. Knowing our interpretation, we may ask for alternative views on the given scenario. This is a different type of sharing. It comes from a grounded authentic analysis, seeking only reconfirmation. We are less apt to be swayed off course from our original thinking, and closer to the truth as we experienced it. Friends are great as a sounding board, but best utilized when we’ve arrived at our own conclusions. We learn to trust ourselves first, then open to opinions of others. Why Being a Loner Might Be Good for Your Health – BBC Future We tend to decry being alone. But emerging research suggests some potential benefits to being a loner – including for our creativity, mental health and even leadership skills. Feb 28, 2018 What is the Personality of a Loner? What Is a Loner Personality? Loners are people who actively try to stay as far away as possible from social interactions. They prefer solitude over the company of others and tend to enjoy being preoccupied with their thoughts. Loners usually don't mind sitting idly or waiting, so long as they are alone when doing it. Can a Loner Be Friendly? Loners do not crave the company of others; however, this does not mean they do not have friends. Once they get to like someone and want to be your friend, they will be one of the most loyal friends on the planet. They know their value and worth. They exercise loyalty in all fields of life. Oct 25, 2021 Looking at my list of New Year’s Resolutions for 2022, I kept returning to No. 12 (doing interviews). That never sat right with me. It’s not that I don’t like people. In fact, I love my fellow man, but typically from a distance! The problem is that, growing up, a lot of relationships of all types were forced on me. Most of the people involved weren’t bad people, it was just that I wasn’t given the choice to like or dislike them. Outside of my tiny circle of friends and family, these days I pretty much stay to myself, which is fine. And now that I know that being an introvert, or more precisely, a loner, doesn’t make me crazy in any way. It means that I know my value and my worth. It means that I don’t need anyone validating me. For now, I’ll just take my seat in the corner and continue to entertain myself… thank you very much! Today's Quote “Be strong enough to stand alone, be yourself enough to stand apart, be wise enough to stand together when the time comes.” Anonymous
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About the HostKenneth E. Boone, Sr. is a writer, podcaster, music lover, sports enthusiast, and retired accountant. Archives
May 2024
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